Everyone has something they thought they would be by this stage in their lives, and I'm guessing a great many of those people aren't quite there yet. Any number of (best-selling) inspirational, motivational, or self-help guides will try to instill in you the importance of recognizing what you really want and changing the course of your life in order to get back on that original track. And I do support this kind of thinking to a certain extent. However, my issue with these messages is the belief that one should make definite and goal-oriented decisions regarding one's entire life journey. (And believe me, I work much better under specific goals and deadlines, so I understand the allure of a definite and goal-oriented path!) It's just hard to understand sometimes how we're supposed to pick which one of the available life tracks we should actually take.
No, I'm not talking about a lack of commitment. Mostly, I'm talking about looking at the picture as a living whole. Determining which direction you are headed, and aiming to reach there when you can. It's a lot like parenting. We don't get to choose the personality of the little ones that enter our lives, but we do get to help them wade their way through the world. Sometimes this looks easy, and sometimes it is. Usually, it is messy, and disorganized, and covered in a kind of beautiful chaos. I'm hoping that in the long run, it's the chaos that I'll look back on as means of understanding how I was able to make it where I needed to go.